All of those high school flicks with the bitchy chicks? They don’t lie. Those girls are real…
Man, I wonder if I behave like that sometimes…
I, feel free to judge me, read an entirely ridculous and terrifying argument on twitter between a group of girls that went to high school with me. Good god… How did I survive high school without scars? I’ll never survive the real world.
Point of post: I am so bored that I’m reading twitter arguments between girls I rarely talked to in high school. This is how sad my existence is. Oh, sweet Tumblr, I apoligize. Excuse me while I visualize me latest fantasy in order to find peace in the current state of my existence.
If Martins-Cashier-Guy was here, he’d cuddle me and tell me I’m pretty. He’d also give me a tub of raspberry ice cream that he bought for me with his employees discount. Then we’d lurk on twitter for hours together.
Five Items That I Found Extremely Useful Backstage
We all know every crew has an emergency kit. This is nothing special, but I thought I’d share my list of five “emergency” items that I used back stage the most.
1. Tape. Lots of tape. Every kind of tape. Masking, packing, glow, gaffers, scotch, electrical, double sided, painters, duct, et cetera, et cetera. Tape was my best inanimate-object-friend.
2. A sewing kit. Costume malfunctions happen constantly and when you least expect it. Make sure you have your basic colors of thread; white, tan, black, brown, red, blue, and grey are the basic colors I would recommend. While you’re at it, collect a variety of buttons; buttons fall off of jackets all of the time.
Buy extra safety pins and needles. Believe me, you’ll loose most of them along the way.
3. Clip-on flashlights/book lights. It’s dark back there. You need to read your prompt book. What do you doooo? Flashlights are an obvious need-to-have, but I found that “book lights” or just any small flashlight with a clip is extremely convienent. They can be clipped to your shirt, pants, script, notebook, cat, table.a.
4. Paper towels. You’re a back stage worker; you are an ORGANIZER. Cleaning is the first step to organization. As I always said, when in doubt, clean something. Paper towels are great because they can conquer any thing. Tea spills? Paper towel. Actor vomits? Paper towel. Blood packet bursts? Paper towel. Hairspay bottle leaks? Paper towel. Mysterious pool of actual blood? Paper towel. Mutated cockroach? Paper towel.
A clean backstage is a happy backstage, but this is theater; messes are unavoidable. Paper towels prepare you for any thing.
5. Sharpies varying in size and color. They’re convienent for quick prop fixes, but generally sharpies are a must for making labels. Tape and sharpies, man. Labels are great; remember, backstage workers are organizers!
6. A neat, concise check list. Yes, the title of this post claims that this is a list of five items, but, while a check list isn’t an “emergency item,” so to speak, it certianly helps prevent “emergency” situations.
Post a “preshow” checklist on the side stages and actually check things off as they are completed. It’s good communication. A good crew is good communication and organization.
This is based on my experiences as quasi-stage manager in my high school theater class. It was a lot of guess work for me and I certianly don’t know a lot about managing a theater, but nothing ever made me happier. :)
I woke up to my mom towering over me as she screamed words I couldn’t understand. She waved a swollen and bloody hand in front of my face. I still don’t know what happened, but apparently she crushed her hand some how…
She was convinced she broke it. Personally, I don’t think it’s broken… I have a habit of accidentally injuring myself; I’ve seen worse. But, it must have really hurt because she was flailing; my mother doesn’t flail.
In the end, it was all of the blood that convinced to crawl out of bed and plan an approach to the situation at hand. (Haha… Get it? Because she crushed her hand?)
Meanwhile she continued rampaging throughout the house.
I said something badass like “Good God, Woman. Calm yourself and let me put some pants on before I amputate the hand myself.”
Okay. Maybe I didn’t say that. I changed into some clothes and brushed my teeth. I hand my mom a bag of ice to put on her swollen hand and told her to get in the car.
Still very much asleep, I put the car in drive.
I guess her hand really hurt because she started behaving a little delusional. She kept making ridiculous demands. She demanded that I buy her a newspaper RIGHT THAT INSTANT. I told her that we should just go staight to Urgent Care, but she would hear none of it. My life was threatened a few times.
So I pulled up to a newspaper box in town. There was another woman there getting a newspaper too. The woman retrieved her paper from the box and I walked up to get my paper, but the box was empty.
I returned to the car to tell my mom they were out of papers.
"What? They can’t be… It was that woman… She knew I needed a paper. She knew so she took the last one! That bitch!" This is a fairly accurate response.
She would not stop. She made me stop at every place that could potentially carry newspapers and of course, they were all out of the Sunday paper. What the hell Washington county….
At this point, I decided to just imagine a nice mocha latte and ignore my mother’s obsessive demands for newspaper… Day dreaming of caffeine helped.
Eventually, I managed to accquire a newspaper from a gas station. I returned to the car and handed my mother a newspaper. She was finally quiet. I opened the back door of the car to put my purse in the seat, but I noticed something I didn’t before…
There was a copy of the Sunday paper in the floor.
"You already had a copy of the paper…. Why did I have to buy another." I stated plainly. My mother was not listening.
I returned to the driver’s seat.
"There’s a Sunday paper in the back of the car. It’s been there the whole time." I said.
"I know." My mother replied.
"I needed another!"
I left it at that, but she began to demand that I stop at McDonalds. Again, I insisted that we just go straight to Urgent Care, but she would hear none of it. To McDonalds I went.
I went to McDonalds and ordered an Egg McMuffin for my mom and a frappe for myself. For some reason I felt like I had to consol in some one… So I began to tell the cashier about my morning. The cashier was unimpressed.
I’m not sure what happened next, but next thing I knew a group of McDonalds employees surrounded me. One of them stepped forward. He held a hat in front of him.
"Pick a slip of paper, please."
Unsure and pressured by the hopeful stares of the McDonalds employees, I reached into the hat and pick a piece of paper. Everyone was silent.
The employee with the hat snatched the paper from me and read the name on the paper. There was a lot of cheering and pats on the back. In the chaos, I grabbed my order and left.
Finally, we made it to Urgent Care. I’m sitting here now. The little boy next to me keeps making up dialogue for the show of the muted TV. This boy really likes the word butts.
UPDATE: While sitting here in this crowded waiting room, I realized there a huge plot hole in my story…. Where have my father and sister been this entire time? Honestly I don’t know…
So, I asked my mother.
Turns out they went fishing.
They abandoned me. They didn’t even invite me to go fishing with them. They left me, the kid who grew up swimming in rivers, at home….
I bet they knew. They totally knew. My dad has premonitions some times.
One time, he predicted all of the categories for a new episode of Jeopardy correctly.
1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things–reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them–in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.
I started looking for a warning sign When the truth is, I miss you Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so A warning sign It came back to haunt me, and I realised That you were an island and I passed you by And you were an island to discover